Newbies

For Newbies

Summary

If you’re new to BDSM and thinking about starting, consider these pointers. Much of what follows is taken from presentations we give when asked to give a talk of the type “SM for beginners” in erotic boutiques, colleges, and other […]

If you’re new to BDSM and thinking about starting, consider these pointers.

Much of what follows is taken from presentations we give when asked to give a talk of the type “SM for beginners” in erotic boutiques, colleges, and other settings. The reader is presumed to have a basic interest in the topic, but no prior knowledge or experience in it..

As well as bondage and spanking, there are several other practises and behaviours that go by the name BDSM. In order to practise BDSM safely, one must first undergo training to minimise the risks of both physical and emotional harm. It’s also a good idea to have empathy among the participants for added security.

As a result, we recommend the following strategies to newcomers. For the avoidance of doubt, these pointers do not constitute and do not intend to constitute comprehensive training on the subject matter.

Beffore Session

If you come across someone who has a desire to put BDSM into practise, get to know them as a person first. It’s not enough to just chat a couple of times. Get to know the person by having phone conversations, video calls, and in-person meetings. Establish open lines of communication with the person in order to build mutual trust. Once you’ve established that you like and trust someone’s personality, it’s time to get to know them better in their role.

With people you don’t know well enough or who have lost your trust to practise BDSM, the risk of having a negative experience increases dramatically. This is also true if the person who intervenes is upset, angry, depressed or suffering from anxiety or anguish when they are practising BDSM.

While having sporadic BDSM practises with the same or different people is a perfectly valid personal option, good communication and trust are multiplied in importance if you want to develop a stable relationship with a certain person. Human relations, with all their complexities, is what it comes down to in the end.

Limit your intake of euphoric substances (alcohol, drugs, etc.). If you can’t drive, you can’t practise BDSM, period ( 8 Basic Rules to make BDSM safer ).

Always let a close friend or family member know where you’ll be and who you’ll be seeing before meeting someone for the first time. Remember to inform your partner that you’ve done so and advise them to follow your lead.

Do not allow yourself to be swayed by unrealistic expectations or abstract concepts. Your ignorance has nothing to do with what seems illogical in your head because it is illogical. Similar to this, accept that you are always right if your intuition tells you something is wrong ( Red Flags in BDSM ).

There’s nothing stopping you from asking someone you’re seeing about their recent STD (sexually transmitted disease) test results if you’re in a new relationship or meeting with other people. It’s only fair that you do the same.

Decide what you’re going to do ahead of time and stick to it. In advance, think about sexual issues such as safe sex, the type and degree of bondage, as well as your own physical and emotional limits. During the course of the session, you must adhere to these guidelines at all times. It’s possible that if the meeting goes well, other opportunities will arise.

When a submissive is willing to accept a spanking or whip, you can agree that she can use the technique “From one to ten.” A “One” is a light touch, while a “Ten” is a full-on blast.

Decide on a maximum of two passwords with your partner ( security words ). They’ll be specific phrases or words indicating that the activity should be slowed down, changed, or stopped entirely. Neglecting a safe word is a serious offence that can lead to further abuse of that safe word. “Yellow” is commonly used to indicate that the intensity of the game needs to be reduced, while “red” is used to stop it immediately.

Be ready for anything. Have all the supplies you’ll need on hand in case you suffer a minor gambling injury. Attending a first aid and CPR course is beneficial in many ways.

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